Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
