i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am mentally ready for anal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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