I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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