sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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