He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How does one acquire holy water?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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