At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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