people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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