Define "chronic" masturbator.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
