one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize