it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
