you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
