I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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