I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
