his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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