i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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