my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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