it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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