I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
