I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
