Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
