google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
