I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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