he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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