remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
