someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
