His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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