I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have started to decorate penises.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
