Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
