So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
