i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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