I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
