He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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