It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
