omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
