I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
