I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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