So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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