You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
