i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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