woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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