i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize