Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
