how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
