so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
