I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
