You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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