I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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