Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
