If i come over, it means nothing
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
