Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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