Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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