Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
