not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
