My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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