I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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