Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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