Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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