Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
