This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
