hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
