Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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