At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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