Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
