My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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