do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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