capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
