Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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