She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize