I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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