The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
