To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
