Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
