This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
