I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
