just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
