Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
