I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
