you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
